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We spent a few days in Cafayate, Argentina – a tiny town known for its vineyards and wineries. I immediately fell in love with the warm, sunny weather, the quaint, tree-lined streets and, of course, the vino tinto.

On our second day in Cafayate, we bought the ingredients for a yummy picnic lunch, rented a couple of bicycles, and pedaled out of town. We parked our bikes near a river and proceeded to scramble over and around boulders into a narrow red rock canyon dotted with mesquite trees and cactus.

For lunch we perched atop a shaded boulder overlooking the river and then we worked our way back along the trail we had come. As we neared our starting point, we had to cross a small clearing that was flanked by small, scattered homes. I noticed a llama standing off to one side having a midday snack of grass and, finding him quite cute, I cooed at him.

The llama’s ears perked up, he straightened up his neck and, then, he began to come towards us. A slow approach was not his style, though – he was on the move and gaining speed. This llama was not so much coming to us as he was coming at us! I had no idea what to do. We were standing out in the wide open and I could not conceive of how to get around this animal that was closing in on us and, very effectively, blocking our exit. I didn’t know if llamas bit, rammed, or what. But I did know, with certainty, that they spit and I wasn’t having any part of that! For whatever reason, my first thought was to get up high. I climbed… no, more stepped onto a nearby rock. It made me a bit taller than the llama but not by much. He seemed somewhat confused by my course of action and so turned his attention to Zach.

From my 18-inch high vantage point I watched as the llama hurried in Zach’s direction and backed him up the trail that we’d just come down. At one point, he pursued Zach so far into the trees that I lost sight of them both. Before they disappeared, though, I caught a glimpse of Zach pulling out our video camera. If he was going to get assaulted by a llama, he was sure as hell going to get footage of it. Though I was truly concerned, I couldn’t help that I was also laughing – hysterically. I was doubled over and tears were streaming down my face at the sight of us. Me on my rock and Z running up a hill, both of us with cameras in hand; it was just too much! And since I was so taken by the giggles and paralyzed with fear, I did nothing to save myself while the llama’s bloodlust was diverted to Zach.

My laughter stopped when the llama grew bored of pursuing Zach and came back to me. I was terrified to move because I had learned by watching Zach that the faster he moved, the faster the llama moved. As it neared, it really didn’t seem to care anymore that I was up on my safety rock. It came within inches of me! I raised my arms to be the bigger llama, waved them around as if I was trying to take flight, and I yelled with stern authority, “No!” First I shouted with an American accent but that had no effect. Then I remembered that this was a Spanish-speaking llama so I tried a Spanish accent. He wasn’t going for it. The attack llama just held his position, batted its doe-eyes, and licked its nose. Out of ideas and utterly defeated, I prepared for the worst. I turned to the side, cinched my body up tight to become as small as possible and waited for the now inevitable loogey to splatter itself upon me.

As I stood there, pre-cringing, I peeked out of one tightly-shut eye and saw Zach making his move. He started to scramble toward the river. The llama spotted him, too, and bolted in his direction. I saw my chance and cut away in the other direction. I hopped off of my rock and climbed through a wire-fence. I was safe! But where was Zach? And where was the llama? As I trampled through the weeds and brush, I caught sight of the bridge that would get me across the river, too. I would have to crawl back through the wire fence to reach it, though. Oh, where were they?!

Finally, Zach called out to me and I saw him approaching the other side of the bridge. He had made it! I took my chance! I crawled under the fence and I as I did I saw the llama. His big, black eyes were set dead on me but he didn’t come close to catching me that time – maybe because he didn’t even attempt to come after me. Nope. After all that terrorizing, he just stood there – once again chewing on his grass, lazily watching me through his long eyelashes, and letting the red ribbons on his ears wave in the breeze – the menacing beast.

For the short but terrifying video footage click here.